You Never Can Say Goodbye
by fiona d
Summary: Cordy and Angel reflect on life post "The Gift" and "There's No Place like ..."


Gunn sits in Hyperion's lobby reading one of Wesley's books. Fred flutters about him, uneasily straightening the room up.   
  
Cordelia and Wesley enter, dressed in black, a somber contrast to the bright day they walked in from. Wesley walks behind the front desk and Cordelia flops next to Gunn.   
  
Gunn shuts his book and looks at them.  
  
"How was the funeral?"  
  
"A barrel of laughs," sighs Cordelia. "Nothing like the funeral of a school friend to brighten your day."  
  
Gunn began to rise but is stopped by Cordy's hand on his arm.  
  
"I'm sorry," she whispers. "Kinda been a tough day."  
  
He grins and shrugs. "I can take it."  
  
Wesley steps out from behind the front desk. "It was a very nice funeral. There were a lot of people there. Mostly human, but even a couple of vampires and demons. Although I don't know if they were to pay their respects or make sure she was dead."  
  
Fred shifts nervously from one foot to the other. "Can I get you guys anything? Something to drink? Or, they opened a burrito wagon down the street."  
  
"No, thank you," Cordy replies. Wesley shakes his head.  
  
They all look at each other and spend an uneasy moment before Cordy breaks the silence.  
  
"So, how is he?"  
  
Gunn shrugs. "Couldn't tell you. He hasn't come out of his room since you guys left. We took some blood up to him yesterday. He just thanked us and shut the door again."   
  
Wesley looks to the stairs. "Perhaps one of us should go up?"  
  
Cordelia gets up. "I'll go. I was there for their whole fatal romance and I need to talk to someone about this, too."  
  
  
  
Angel sits in an easy chair, the room dark. He stares off into nothing. He can see in his head, Buffy walking away from him after they had tricked Faith into revealing what she knew about the ascension.  
  
"You still my girl," he heard himself asking.  
  
"Always," she replied, half-smiling.  
  
Angel snapped out of his reverie when he realizes someone is knocking on his door. He crosses the room and opens the door. Before he can say a word Cordelia's arms are around him. He remains stiff for a few seconds before he relaxes into her embrace and returns her hug.  
  
They break their hold and sit down on Angel's bed.  
  
Angel can't quite meet her eyes. "So, how did it go?"  
  
"As well as it could, I guess. It was a nice service. I'm not sure if Willow stopped crying the entire time we were there, Giles looks as though he's aged twenty years. Xander spent his time attacking people, then apologizing, and Dawn... Well Dawn maybe said three words the whole day."  
  
"She's probably hurting pretty bad. I guess the demon population is out in full force."  
  
"No, apparently things have been surprisingly quiet since she died. Giles explained that it might be because Spike is very upset and has been taking his anger out on the demons of Sunnydale."  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Yeah, apparently he's sort of become a Scooby. He was at the funeral. Seemed pretty torn up."  
  
"I guess she was right."  
  
"What about?"  
  
"Last time I spoke to her, she said she thought he might be changing his stripes."  
  
"From what I got from Xander, I think she was the inspiration for his transformation. Although, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. She could always rouse feelings of duty and general good guyness from those around her. Even me."  
  
"What's going to happen with Dawn?"  
  
"Apparently they can't find her father, so the state has given Giles custody until he can be found. Imagine, not even bothering to appear when your daughter has died. I hope Giles gets permanent custody of her."  
  
Cordy sighs and lays back on the bed.  
  
Angel looks at her with concern. "You okay?"  
  
"Yeah, it's just...hard. She's dead, Angel. I don't think I really got that until I was back. It's difficult to believe."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I feel so bad. Not guilty, really. I just feel so full of..."  
  
"Regret," Angel finished for her.  
  
"Yeah. I mean, we were never really good friends but I have so much to thank her for. I totally blamed her for all the things that happened to me senior year of high school. You know, me and Xander breaking up, my decline in popularity, even Daddy losing all of our money. But I realized that if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have you, I wouldn't know Wesley, and I probably would've been either dead or vamped. I owed her everything, and I never got to thank her."  
  
"Do you think it would've mattered?"  
  
"Maybe not to her, but it would make me feel a lot better."  
  
Cordelia lays down on the bed. Angel looks at her with concern.  
  
"You don't look very good. Maybe you should go home and get some sleep."  
  
Cordy smiles. "I'm fine. I am a little tired, but I really don't feel like being alone right now. Do you want to be?"  
  
Angel sighs. "Yes, and no. I would like to sit here and brood, but I'd also like you to stay. We can brood together."  
  
"That sounds like fun."   
  
They are silent for a moment, Cordy laying on Angel's bed, playing with a shirt of his that's in a heap next to her. Angel sits on the bed staring off into space.  
  
Cordy looks up at Angel. "Do you have any?"  
  
"Any what?"  
  
"Regrets."  
  
Angel chuckles a bit, but there is no humour in it. "Yeah, I have some regrets."  
  
"Did you want to tell me or are they private?"  
  
Angel turns to face her. "I just wish that we had more time." He stops and gives her a small smile. "Can you believe that? I'm immortal and I want more time. All this time, working towards Shanshu, I thought at the end, I'd get to have her. I never thought that she'd die before I did. I know I should have. She's mortal, she is, was, The Slayer, but I still thought..."  
  
Cordy reaches forward and grabs his hand. "We always think we have more time."  
  
She lets go of his hand and pats his back a bit.   
  
"Angel?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Cordy sits up and looks into Angel's eyes. "Just so as I have no regrets with you, I want you to know how much you mean to me."  
  
"You mean a lot to me, too."  
  
"Thanks, but I wasn't finished. You're not just my boss, and you're not just my hero, and you're not just the guy who rescues me every time I get myself in over my head. You're my best friend. I never had a best friend growing up. The closest thing I had was Harmony and she back-stabbed me the first opportunity she got. You are the one person I try and be completely open with, you are the person who makes me smile the most, and who always has my best interest at heart. And, most importantly, I trust you more than I've trusted anyone else in my life. I love you. I just thought you should know that."  
  
Angel smiles at Cordy tearily.   
  
"Cordy, I feel the exact same way about you. You think I rescue you? You've saved me more times than I can count. You are the only one who makes me laugh and smile and you are my hero. I have to do this knight in shining armor deal. You don't. You chose to help me, even though you get nothing out of it except splitting migraines. You're the big hero around here, not me. And by the way, I love you too."  
  
Cordy lays back down and Angel lays down next to her. Cordy smoothes Angel's hair.  
  
"We're going to get through this Angel. It's just going to take some time."  
  
"I've got an eternity."  
  
"I'll be here to help you shorten it."  



End file.
